i'm happy wondering.

Wondering by Good Charlotte

If you want me to wait,
I will wait for you
If you tell me to stay,
I will stay right through
If you don't wanna say anything at all
I'm happy wondering
Go!

Yeah, yeah!

Since I was a young man I never was a fun man
I never had a plan and no security
Then ever since I met you I never could forget you
I only wanna get you right here next to me

'Cause everybody(a-whoa)Needs someone that they can trust and...
You're somebody(a-whoa)That I found just in time

If you want me to wait,
I will wait for you
If you tell me to stay,
I would stay right through
If you don't wanna say anything at all
I'm happy wondering.

Now my life is changing, It's always rearranging
It's always getting stranger than I thought it ever could
Ever since I found you, I wanna be around you
I wanna get down to the point that I need you

'Cause everybody (a-whoa)Needs someone that they can trust and...
You're somebody(a-whoa)That I found just in time

If you want me to wait,
I will wait for you
If you tell me to stay,
I would stay right through
If you don't wanna say anything at all
I'm happy wondering

Go!

Yeah, yeah!

yeah, yeah...

Don't tell me the bad news
Don't tell me anything at all
Just tell me that you need me
And stay right here with me

If you want me to wait,
I will wait for you
If you tell me to stay,
I would stay right through
If you don't wanna say anything at all
I'm happy wondering

If you want me to wait,
I will wait for you
If you tell me to stay,
I would stay right through
If you don't wanna say anything at all
i'm happy wondering

I've been in a lieu of strange moods the past couple of days. They haven't been bad moods, per se, just weird ones. This song sort of fits most of them. I think yesterday I was trying to figure out why I feel the way I do, so it was a bit negative for a while...I vented some bitterness while at work and that made me feel worse than I thought, which was the opposite goal I was attempting to accomplish. Oh well.

I baked Christmas cookies today with my sister and grandma and had a blast. I ate a lot of the cookie dough because I can never resist it and Gramma put me in charge of it (Scooore!) and also drank quite a bit of soda, so I was definitely a hyper one today. (Got a surprise "liking" of that when I posted it as my status, too..made me smile!) As the evening grew on, however, I began to crash and therefore the mood went from being fairly positive and upbeat to blah and more blah. 

I decided I needed to get out and do some Christmas shopping (Because I'm a huge procrastinator and didn't think I'd actually have money to shop..But I do!) and that put me in a further state of blah-ness because I remembered just how terrible of a Christmas present shopper I am. I guess I'll just have to get gift cards or something. *shrugs*

I'm beginning to feel better now, I do believe I'm only blah because I'm very tired and not looking forward to work the next few days because it's going to be insane (Especially with the weather forecast). 

Attempting to stay in the Christmas spirit, I listened to Christmas music today....big mistake as I'll be forced to listen to weird renditions of the classic radio songs at work for three days straight, so I changed to regular shuffle of my library and Good Charlotte popped up with this song that I posted above and I was like "Wow it's funny that this song was randomly played because it's sort of perfect to how I'm feeling right now!" And viola, the reasoning for the lyrics and video. 

I realize this is sort of a long post, I feel like writing out what I'm thinking in a fairly decent amount of detail. Feel free to ignore this post. Except for the video. Unless you hate Good Charlotte, and in that case, well to each his own and I'm sorry if I tortured you. (not really)

I was going to end with that note, but a sudden inspiration hit me. I have felt fear toward a certain situation going on in my life right now, and before tonight I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I'm so afraid. Luckily, nights off and shopping-gone-wrong give me chances to ponder and I realized that it is the "unknown" that I am afraid of. Isn't that why fear usually exists? You fear what you don't know. Well I'm afraid because there are plenty of things I want to know, but I'm not being told. I have a good idea why, but I don't know for sure and I don't want to pressure the situation or rush it at all. I'm afraid because I don't know, come to think of it, may not be the way to phrase it after all....Though I am afraid, the fear rises from past experience with this part of the situation. That I knew already, frustration is what is bugging me now. Impatience. My feelings are running wild and I can't hold them back. So I broke a promise I made to myself by allowing that and I'm uber frustrated with myself for it. And I'm uber frustrated at the situation's situation....In a nutshell, and to save myself from typing out a whole novel, I'll just say this: Distance. Fucking. Sucks. 

Trying not to let it get to me or to bring me down, but it's difficult sometimes, when I see the same things everywhere and see things that make me go, "i want to be able to do that right now." Alas, that is human nature and I must deal with it. Wish me luck and I'll keep hoping the situation's situation is sorted before this place drives me insane.

And finally...Even with all that said, though I look back on it and it sounds like it's really negative and I'm fed up, I'm not fed up, just simple frustration with an element of the situation. The song fits my mood and is sort of perfect, because I am happy wondering. My wonderings are positive and make me randomly smile and  give me the tinglies in my tummy. (yes, I'm weird and I won't apologize for that.)

Goooooood night.

something a little different....

)I realize it's a day late. I was lazy earlier and bummed earlier tonight because the Blues lost. But it's still relevant...Turkey day meal was even better as leftovers!)

(And I apologize for my hand-writing...it's never been good)

restless hearts sleep alone tonight...

Haven't really written a legit blog post for a while. If I felt up to it, I'd probably make this one way too long and that just wouldn't be cool. Luckily for you, my reader(s), I am totally not up for writing a lot right now.

I've been really restless lately. I can't sleep before 4 a.m. even if I try really hard. I actually dread having GOOD dreams instead of dreading nightmares. I don't really ever feel like leaving the house, but at the same time I'm constantly moping around wanting to have friends and a life.

I so wish I had the guts to live up to what I preach, but right now I'm a chicken and I am, once again, stuck on the sidelines. Well, I never really got off the sidelines, it was really more like moving from sitting on the bench without a uniform to putting one one only to be a benchwarmer. At least I've progressed from just being an audience to my life passing by. That's one positive. But still, benchwarmer is not much of a promotion and I need to work really hard to get my life on track and how I want it lived.

Something that bugs me....How businesses that are desperate for employees aren't willing to compromise their standards, but those of us searching for jobs are FORCED to compromise our job standards just to scrape by. It doesn't make any sense. If you're going to compulsively post the same job openings for 6 or more months, there is something wrong with YOU not the applicants. And at the point they do lower their standards, the applicant(s) are just ...over it. That don't want to work for a company who is only willing to compromise when they are at their last resort.

It's all bull shit and the real world fucking sucks.

This was longer than I thought. Sorry for that. And there is language, my apologies again...Actually, I take that back. I can use profanity if I damn well please, it's my fekking blog.

Thinking about starting a Vlog on YouTube...thoughts? Suggestions for video ideas/themes?

I miss theatre.

(I had a 5 hours energy shot because I'm crazy and now swings from depression and bitterness to randomosity are occurring. My apologies if I've given anyone whiplash.)

What is your current life goal you are seeking to fulfill?

Ohh, this is a deep one. Well...I have to go with the transition from "young adult/student" status to being an adult and in the real world. Not sure if that counts as a life goal, but it should, because it's tough.
I guess I feel like it is really tough to make this transition, because no one is hiring, period, let alone positions for my major. If I want to get a job in PR, chances are I have to start at the bottom, which likely means unpaid internships, and work my way up. Granted, you do that in any sort of job you have, I just don't have the resources to do that. I need a job that pays, and I'm not even particularly fond of PR. I like it, I majored in it, but I'd rather do something I'm more passionate about, like theatre.
I ramble....My idea of fulfilling this transition is to find either a second job, or a full time job that pays really well so that I can save and save and save and get my own place. Then, I will feel like an adult and I can move on to do other adult things, like getting a new(er) car and all that stuff.

Ask me anything

Do you believe in fate?

Yes, and at the same time no. The idea of fate is an interesting one. As a Christian, I've been raised to believe that one's fate after death is either heaven or hell. I tend to fight this belief, because I don't really believe in hell, but I do believe that other's believe it so much that they consequently do everything they can to avoid it as a fate. The problem, sometimes, is that they go about it the wrong way and only do what is the minimal necessity to "stay out of hell." In going through life just doing what you think will keep you out of there is allowing the idea of fate after death consume you. You make your own fate, that's true, but I personally don't like to worry every day whether or not I'm good enough for Heaven. I try to be a good person, and I think that way I might be alright, and if reincarnation exists, I like to think I might at least be a decent animal or something when I'm reborn. I'm not really sure I'm even answering the question, I'm just rambling. I believe that people believe that fate is real. I do believe in it sometimes, and sometimes I don't. I do think, however, no matter what, that it is our choice. Do we allow our fate to happen? Or do we change it and therefore make our own? *shrugs* No real answer for that one.

Ask me anything

Is there someone you want to hold you in their arms currently?

Perhaps. I think wanting to be held is human nature, so really my answer is yes, I do want to be held in someone's arms, but if you want to know if there is a specific someone, I can answer with a lengthy list of celebrities that I would LOVE to meet and be held by. If you want to know if there is someone I know personally that I want to hold me, well. I can't answer that because I honestly don't know.

Ask me anything

insomnia...or is it a.d.d.?

I'm pretty sure there hasn't been a night in over a month or two where I have gone to bed before 1 a.m. Lately, I've been going to bed closer to 4 or 5 a.m. I blogged earlier in the summer (when I was going through a terrible self-pitying phase) about how I thought I had insomnia and blah blah blah, but my reasoning these days has changed dramatically.

I am convinced that part of the reason I have this inability to fall asleep before a certain time is A.D.D. Here is me on any given night/early morning:

1 a.m.--Okay, going to watch t.v. and stay online for the next hour, then I'm going to bed.

*watch tv/surf web*
i.e.:


2 a.m.--Ok, now it's bedti-Oh! Family Guy is on. I'll just watch this and then go to bed.

*Watches hour of Family Guy*


3 a.m.--Now it really is my bedtime. No more t.v. or inter---Wait..Is that Nintendo A Capella?!?!?! O_o



And That Corey Vidal guy?! Ohh, he's sort of dreamy. ^_^


5 a.m.-- For real, this time I am going to lay down and slee---Dangit. I haven't finished that episode of Firefly on Netflix yet. Sleep can wait, Nathan Fillion cannot.



And that is what most of my evenings consist of. Throw in some "late" but early-ish night conversations with friends and there you have it.

Comments? Concerns? Suggestions?

Oh, and I have a Formspring now....Ask me anything http://formspring.me/youalleverybody

lightbulb?

Ok, so I know last post was uber depressing and angry, and probably annoying. THIS one, however, is a sort of lightbulb one. Let's just say I had an epiphany (Not unlike Sweeney Todd, only I didn't sing about wanting to kill everyone) of sorts.

I did not come up with it on my own, though, so it's sort of an epiphany by proxy. In fact it was not even me who noticed. I shall explain....

For years all I've been able to do when I'm alone and have too much time to myself is focus on the negative aspects of myself and my life. For instance, at one point I stuggled with weight, and my looks, and eventually it progressed to worrying about my personality, so on and so forth.

What I didn't realize, no matter how many people have told me, is that I am strong. I tend to come through things better and stronger than I give myself credit for. Ok, so I just realized THIS part of the epiphany, so it's like an epiphany within an epiphany, but I digress.

Even though I'm going through some tough times right now, and I've been through tough stuff in the past, I can smile. Truly smile. I never even thought about how strong that makes me. I guess, in the past, I've smiled only to keep myself from crying, which can be true now, but I never realized how strong that really makes me.

If I can break a smile that is genuine and feels good, that means that I may have the ability to make the happiness of that moment spread, and, as a friend pointed out in a blog post of his, I can do that. I can show that underneath all the shit I go through/have gone through, I can be happy, and more importantly, make other people happy.

For me, others' happiness is what usually goes first for me. I'm more willing to lend two ears than I am to talk about my struggles. For me, listening to others' and doing my best to be there for them is what makes me happy. So, if I can make someone else happy just by being able to put a genuine smile on even when my life sucks, I know I can be happy. And I can make myself happy.

So, from now on I am honestly going to try my best not to let the negativity take over. I am going to smile as much as possible, and I'm not going to let little things bug me. After all, I do a lot when I try my best..For instance, that weight problem I had? I lost 40 lbs. in 2 months. My issue with my looks? I learned to love me the way I am.(oh, and figured out how best to make my eyes pop, because I believe that's my best feature.) Personality? Pshh, are you kidding? I am the coolest, most awesome you will ever meet, and those who disagree aren't worth my time. (Kidding...well mostly, tee hee)

It is now 2 am, and I am planning to stay up all night and watch the COOLEST show in the whole gorram 'verse...Firefly.

Cap'n Tink....out. Night all. (Well, the ones who sleep, anyway)

I am not sure if anyone even reads these blog posts. I like to hope at least a couple people do. I'm in a sort of, well...for lack of a better term, funk, and I have been for a long time.

For some reason I feel like my life just won't amount to anything, no matter how hard I try. I end up the same way I started. Yes, I have a job and I'm finished with school, I should be more proud of myself. But here I am, four-year degree and I'm working a part time job at a grocery store. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one I work closely with that actually WENT to college. I love the people I work with, I do, but sometimes I just feel like I don't fit in because I don't have kids, or because I don't go out all the time, or just because I'm new and I tend to alienate myself. In the end, it comes down to me and what I'm doing, and in this case, I'm excluding myself.

Brings me to my next point, I am so very lonely. I look to make new friends at work and I try, but somehow, at the end of the night, I'm left feeling even more lonely than I did when I get to work. I put up some sort of wall at work that keeps me excluded and it's the last thing I want or need right now. So, I don't understand what I want.

I never claimed to know exactly what I wanted from life, I never really have known, I've always been the sort of person who likes just flying by the seat of my pants, so to speak. I hate making plans, I like being spontaneous. Which, in a way, is funny, because I am so into theatre, which calls for schedules and doing the same routine. The difference, however, lies in the audience when it comes time to perform. There is never the same feeling two shows in a row. That's what makes it amazing, the feelings, energies, adrenaline, reactions. Everything about the live performance is just....thrilling.

Now that I can't really do theatre anymore, that thrill is gone, and it's translated to everything in my life. I no longer have fun playing with my dog or surfing the internet, or going to a store. It's all just boring and lonely.

I don't mean to complain all the time, I know I do more than I want and I'm trying to work on that, but I have to get these feelings out there somehow and this was the first thing I thought of, because it seems to be as though some people I can talk to about this stuff would either a. rather talk about hteir problems more than mine, or b. are apparently too busy or preoccupied with other stuff to talk to me. (And this time I really am making attempts to keep friends close, I know I need them.)

I normally care too much about speaking how I feel because I don't want to hurt anyone else's feelings, but right now mine are hurt and that matters a little bit more to me, because I don't want to feel hopeless, angry, and like a failure anymore.

With that being said, I'd like to address a problem I am having with one person: To whom this does concern, I don't know what you're going through, or even if you're going through anything, but what I DO know is that you are hurting people's feelings (I'm not the only one). Those of us affected miss you the way you were earlier this year, and if that isn't the real you, than I can only speak for myself, but I feel cheated. I want that person back in the other case, if that really is you. I know it's a new year and there are new people, and if they're the cause of the change, well then fuck them, you don't change for people and if they ask you to or force you to, they deserve to be beaten over the head with a very heavy object. Anyway, you should know that how you're acting...Well, it hurts. Not to be selfish, but I really need all the friends I can get right now, and you're one of my best, so I feel abandoned by you. Ignored, rejected, forgotten about. Can't help how I feel and I wish I didn't feel that way, but now I have to make it known. (At least online, because I am still sort of a wimp) Please come to your senses and come back to us, you mean a whole hell of a lot in my life, in the others' lives, too.

With that note, I'm off. If I keep going this will become longer and angrier than it needs to be. Night world.

short and sweet

I was going to have an actual post since I haven't really blogged in a long time, but life sort of backhand-slapped me across the face and I forgot about this. Oh and I had no internet this past weekend. The weekend was a welcome pack of ice on the bruise left by the slap, so for that I am thankful, and for those people who stepped up and comforted me and continue to do so. I thank you. You have no idea how glad I am to have you all in my life. That was a super long sentence, I apologize for that but I don't feel like fixing it, so y'all are gonna have to live with a lack of proper English. It is 1 am as well, after all.

Hoh-kay, so. Instead of a long heartfelt blog or rant or whatever this was going to be, I am going to post lyrics to a song that I currently have on repeat. 

It's called Me, Myself, and I by Hanson (go figure) and it is the last song on their most recent album, Shout It Out. Read the lyrics, even if you dont want to listen to the song. They. Are. Amazing. I swear.

It must be the end of the road 

It must be the end of you and I 

And forever too 

I'm walking the last bridge alone 

We've given up on the good times 

And the bad we knew 

When I'm alone in a cold, dark room, well 

There's still someone 

That I can tell my troubles to 

Me, myself, and I will never be alone 

We'll find a way to get along 

It will be fine 

When all that's left is me, myself, and I 

Myself and I will never be alone 

We will find a way to get along 

It will be fine 

When all that's left is me, myself, and I  

When did it start getting old? 

When did it stop being worth the time 

Just to see it through? 

I don't wanna get used to 'It's over' 

But we've already said too much 

To make it new 

When I'm alone in a cold, dark room, well 

There's still someone 

That I can tell my troubles to 

'Cause Me, myself, and I will never be alone 

We'll find a way to get along 

It will be fine 

When all that's left is me, myself, and I 

Myself and I will never be alone 

We will find a way to get along 

It will be fine 

When all that's left is me, myself, and I 

Well it's hard to see you don't belong to me 

'Cause I gave you the best part of my life 

Well, I tried to be everything that you want me to be 

Well I don't have to give you reasons why 

When all that's left is me, myself, and I 

I'm not gonna try to forget 

Maybe happiness is worth the chance 

Of a bitter end 

'Cause here at the end of the road 

I don't really care who was right 

I'll give you the last word tonight 

'Cause me, myself, and I will never be alone 

We'll find a way to get along 

It will be fine 

When all that's left is me, myself, and I 

Myself and I will never be alone 

We will find a way to get along 

It will be fine 

When all that's left is me, myself, and I 

this glassy surface....

Totally obsessed with this video. This has got to be one of my favorite Hanson songs ever. (I can't pick just one, it's impossible.) This video is special because they sing the "lost verse" which is printed as a sort of poem on the cover of the This Time Around album.

i think we should call it...your grave!

These about made me die laughing. Fantastic. :-D All credit goes to xkcd.com. One of the greatest webistes in the history of nerdy and awesome websites.

oh, here we go...

Okay, so I am trying to get away from ranting all the time, because I would really like to be a more positive person, but I really want to get this off my chest so that I may go to bed.

I love this show. I've watched since Season 3 and always get excited for the new seasons. Well. It is now in its 8th season and this past Thursday was the fifth episode.

This week the designers split into two groups of 6 for their challenge. They had to make 6 pieces per group to make a cohesive mini-collection. They had to pick a theme and fabric. 

The group that had most of my favorite designers [April, Peach, Casanova, Valerie, Michael Drummond (He's from St. Louis...brownie points o_o) and Mondo] chose to do a military collection using lace. Edgy and feminine was their outlook. They became Team Military and Lace.

(Team Military and Lace)

The other team had a couple designers I like, and one (and a half) that I can't stand. Andy, AJ, Christopher, (I really like these three) Michael C, Ivy, and Gretchen. Now....Ivy is the "and a half" that I do not like much. Gretchen is the one that I cannot stand and haven't been able to since the first episode.

(Called themselves Team Luxe....but it really should have been Team Gretchen the Cutthroat Bitch Takes Over Everyone's Personal Design Aesthetic Using Manipulation and Bully Tactics)

Gretchen is the idiot with her arms in the air and Ivy is the one in front of her. The guys I like.

Okay, so Team Luxe, correction, Gretchen thought that "her" team had a great collection and that it was hip and modern and blah blah blah. She also said many many many times in many many many different ways how much the other team's collection sucked and was not cohesive or hip or whatever. 

She's always quick to say that she'll always be the winner and everyone else's designs suck compared to anything she'll ever do. (Basically, to be completely blunt, she thinks he shit don't stink. This is why I can't stand her)

Well...The runway came and the judges ended up loving Team Military and Lace, which is something that was not very surprising as it was a totally kick ass collection and I'd have worn every piece in it. 

Go, underdogs! Congratulations to Casanova, who finally found his balance between his own taste and pleasing the judges' tastes while keeping his aesthetic. Well deserved win for him and the rest of the team. I was happy.

So then came the moments of truth...The talk with the losing team. They showed footage of them discussing whether or not to call anyone out. They agreed to present a united front and stand by their designs.

On the runway...sort of. Before being judged.

So they went out there and Gretchen (Of coourse) took control and made up this whole sob story about how they love their designs still and did their best and can't pick a weakest link and refused to if asked...complete with fake tears and guilt trips and all that manipulative crap. The judges faces were priceless and I really wish I could find pictures of them. Made me laugh out loud at her stupidity. 

So after having said all this stuff about sticking together and standing by what they made, she made a complete turn and started throwing people under the bus and decided she did not want to stick by what she bullied everyone into making.

And while I do like Christopher and Andy, they are obviously manipulated very easily by both Ivy and Gretchen, because they were quick to pick Michael C as a weak link (Which is funny because he won last week and totally deserved it).

AJ, on the other hand, God love him, took responsibility for his [in]action in this challenge and admitted that he should have done more to get his aesthetic into the collection. But he spent most of his time making just one piece that was a shirt dress (Which is something that he'd never normally make) and therefore was thrown under a bus.

So it was down to Gretchen and AJ and I was starting to get a little excited that Gretchen might actually be put in her place and sent home. Well...to my dismay after saying her name, Heidi continued with "You are in." Which meant that AJ was out.

!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's all that went through my mind. Along with a string of colorful expletives directed toward the terrible decision on behalf of the judges. Yeah, she made more garments...She BULLIED the collection out of everyone else in her group and did not even give them a chance to stand up for their own aesthetic. AJ took the bullet and I hope she knows that everyone likes HIM better for doing that than they will ever ever ever like her.

AJ...You will be missed greatly. Come back to St. Charles, MO and I guarantee you'll see how you are adored.

At this point I was ready to throw my computer because I was so angry (and I still am). So, as show tradition, the cameras followed AJ back to the room where the rest of the designers are to say goodbye. Tim Gunn (One of the best parts of the show!) then comes in to send the losing designer to clean their workspace.

Well, Tim came in with a vengeance this week. Before he said anything to AJ, he had him sit down and addressed him and the rest of Team Luxe. He basically said how disappointed he was in everyone for allowing Gretchen to manipulate and bully them. And he was disappointed in them because now AJ had to take the bullet and go home because of their inaction.

Well, let me tell you, I loved Tim Gunn before that moment, and now I practically idolize him! Ivy, apparently, had an A-ha moment after that, and I seriously hope she apologizes to Michael C for the mean things she said about him to the judges.

So then it was infuriating and funny at the same time again when Gretchen came on saying that Tim hurt her feelings and she was not manipulative and cocky. Hah. You are very funny...

 I'm pretty sure I remember her being totally evil toward Michael C when talking to the judges and she's never really said one nice thing about anyone else's garment. Or if she has, it has been quickly followed with a "but mine is better."

Even when trying to get the audience to feel sympathy for her, it took her about ten seconds before she just started bashing AJ.

Really? Yes, you suck and you should take responsibility for losing because you ARE a manipulative bossy person that no one wants around....Stop taking it out on everyone else and own up to who you are.

So anyway. I really just had to get that of my chest and I feel better now. It's difficult to go to bed angry and I was already a bit ticked off from the Emmys. Perhaps I'll blog about that tomorrow. Good night all.

Pictures/video clip courtesy of mylifetime.com and google.com searches. :-)

finally!

So I finally got a job! While it's only part time, and doesn't pay great to begin with, it's as a checker at grocery store...I have previous experience working a cash register so it will pay off (hopefully) because I plan on trying to get full time and moving up really quick.

Still working on looking for more ways to get money because I know I need it. (I wonder if target is hiring...discount on clothes? Yes, please.)

So Monday was my 23rd birthday. I went shopping with my mom and then to dinner with her and my grandma. It was fun. O'Charley's has great food, and now they have birthday caramel pies...and they mean that quite literally, it is a freaking caramel pie. I wish I'd have taken a picture of it before I started eating it. Ah well, it looks like a chocolate pie only caramel.

Anyway. Saturday I went to the horse races. Again, didn't take any pictures, but I'm sure borrowing some pictures from Google search will suffice:

Fairmount Park and lots of pretty brown race horses.

...You get the idea.

After a couple of these:

..it was a lot easier to laugh about a lost bet.

I was surprised that the track was actually kid friendly. There were lots of families there, and even grade school fundraisers going on. 

Much different, but oddly similar to my experience at the greyhound races in Memphis, TN.

Except for this....

And that was my Saturday night, and before that I mentioned my birthday. I had an idea the other day to post a whole bunch of pictures from the last year and I've been lazy.

Truth is, I'd have to find most of them on Facebook and then either hotlink them or save them to my computer and then upload them...and there are quite a few I was looking at. So, since I'm feeling uber lazy, I'll save it for a different day.

I was in good spirits yesterday (as I am today as well) and also in a Criminal Minds sort of a mood. So I began watching Season 5 where I had left off...at episode 2.

Imagine my surprise when I see the guest star was none other than this man:

Mr. Connor McManus himself, Sean Patrick Flanery!

I was so excited and inspired that I began running my 3rd favorite movie through my head until I fell asleep.

I'd have watched it last night, but I had to be at work early this morning. So I mentally noted that I'd most definitely watch it today (after my nap, of course)

And that brings me to now. I am watching (well taking a break) this fan-fucking-tastic movie and smiling like a child who was just given ice-cream. 

I'm probably a nerd, but that's okay because I'm not the only one.

In the Merry Old Land of Oz....

Happy [Belated] 71st Anniversary to The Wizard of Oz. I meant to have done this yesterday when it actually was the anniversary, but I got writer's block, if I'll be honest.

The Wizard of Oz is one of those rare movies, and stories in general, that has made its way through quite a few generations and remains one of the strongest and most loved stories. It's funny that, even though it was made around 1939, therefore having minimal special effects, it remains one of the coolest effect movies ever created. It has to be legendary, because, not only was it the first color film to hit theatres, the stuff they did with the color was just...I mean, it just is so wonderfully colorful that it's difficult to believe it was the first experiment in color films.

Well, like many generations before me, even, I grew up watching this movie. I loved it, and I loved that my grandma has the vinyl record of it, so when we didn't feel like watching it, we could get the old record player going and listen to it and dance around. I remember loving Dorothy and Toto (Who doesn't) and the Scarecrow was always my favorite character, though the TinMan's song was always my favorite song.

I was terrified of the Wicked Witch of the West, as most other little kids, and her monkeys were equally as terrifying.

That being said, the next part of my Wizard of Oz story can be very amusing. Most people that know me know how obsessed and immersed I am in theatre. At Quincy University, we put on a musical every year. Last year, well the summer of 2008, technically, Connie Phillips (Theatre Director extradordaire) decided that it was going to be the year she finally tried to fly people on stage. Story behind her troubles, in a nutshell: MacHugh theatre was originally a gynmasium type place that was converted to a theatre, it has a low ceiling and is very small, so many people told her she cannot fly people on stage because it just would not work. Connie doesn't like hearing she can't, so she was even more motivated to try.

So...Those of us who were Juniors and Seniors and very involved in theatre heard that she was going to try, and were very excited to hear that they were going to try producing Peter Pan. Well, Peter Pan requires 4 fly lines at least, and Connie was not even sure, at this point, if we could even fit more than one.

So plans had to change and they decided, instead, to do The Wizard of Oz. Some of us were disappointed, but quickly realized that a "test fly" show was necessary if we did want to do Peter Pan eventually.

I was one of those disappointed ones...at first. I then began to remember all the songs and characters I loved from my childhood, and as I continued my education and learned my range as an actor, I began to get excited for auditions. While I was terrified of the Wicked Witch of the West as a child, I was grown up now and I realized just how much of an acting challenge it would be to portray that character. I respected her instead of feared her now. I wanted to be the Witch.

I did not believe this was possible, however, because she is a lead character in a musical...I cannot sing very well, so I let myself get down just a little. Then, one miraculous day in my acting class with Connie, she got on the topic of Wizard of Oz and the differences in characters and what would be needed from an actor portraying them. She got the Wicked Witch, and I listened with bated breath to her analysis of the character. She said the best possible thing I could have ever imagined--The Wicked Witch of the West was not a singing role, she was purely acting. Well, let me tell you, the heavens opened up and a choir of angels began singing the "Hallelujah" chorus. I had a chance at getting this part.

So I practiced...a lot. On my voice, my movements, everything for auditions. I wanted to go above and beyond was what expected of me so I could almost guaruntee myself getting the role.

As it turned out, I was the only one that specifically went out for the role of the Witch (Mostly everyone else wanted to be Dorothy). I got the role, along with one of my best friends, Michelle. We were performing two weekends in a row, and with the witch-playing, flying, and ridiculous costume changes, we would need back-up, so I was thankful for the double-casting.

Being a part of Wizard of Oz was one of the greatest experiences of my life, and probably the one I'll remember best: I got to fly, get painted green in less than 7 minutes, scare children, scream a lot, perfect my evil cackle, and reconnect/connect with the coolest people ever.

That's me as old Almyra Gultch backstage with my best friend Libby (aka Toto)

My friend Tara Hibbert as Dorothy.

Jessica Rains as Glinda..I realize you can't see her face but it's a cool flying shot.

It's Munchkin Independence Day! Huzzah!

The Ruby Slippers!!!! These were practice ones, so they aren't perfect, but hell...I want them anyway!

My good friend (and twin) Sidney Shackleton as the Scarecrow.

Tinman! A.K.A. Dale Sandfrey, another good friend.

LaRon Grant as the Cowardly Lion. :-)

Flying Witch..Scary stuff, man.

Amidst an evil cackle. (Good times!)

Hanson/ Rooney Day/Concert

So, on Thursday, August 5th, my sister and I went to the Hanson/Rooney concert here in St. Louis. It was so much fun and I really feel like writing about it now, because I'm only just recovering from all the shock of the day.

So my day started early...I woke up at 9:30 to get ready, and then woke Melissa up at 10:30. We left the house around noon, by which time I was so excited, I'm pretty sure I talked my sister's ear off the whole half hour drive to The Pageant. We got there around 12:30 and I drove around for about 5 minutes looking for a spot...found one right by the tour buses.

We sat in front of the venue for a while, waiting for The Walk to begin, but we knew we had plenty of time and it didn't really matter where we stood when the walk started, so we walked down the Loop to get lunch.

We got back with about 15 minutes to spare before the walk was to begin. So we were standing there and all of a sudden, Robert Carmine (Schwartzman) and Ned Brower from Rooney just casually crossed the street to the cafe there. I really wanted to walk over and talk to them, but I didn't want to be a creeper and I couldn't think of anything intelligent to say, so I just made myself content with throwing them lots of glances while waiting for the Hanson guys to come outside.

They set up the table to register for the walk and not too much later the guys came outside. Isaac had his son with him to walk, and it was adorable. Unfortunately, he had to go back inside and the walk began with just Tay and Zac and the crowd of fans. I took my socks and shoes off, as it is a barefoot walk, and instantly felt the scalding heat of the sidewalk. It. Was. Painful. But, you know, that's the point, so I did my best to suck it and think about anything else but the soles of my feet burning. We got almost half way and I had to stop and put my socks on. I was a wimp, I'll admit, and I don't want to make e

xcuses, but there were people in front of us that were wearing their shoes and taking their sweet old time, all the while spreading themselves out in a way that I couldn't get around them unless I pushed through them. Anyway, I compromised with myself by putting my socks on, that way, I was still shoeless, but not completely barefoot and therefore putting like third degree burns on my feet.

Well halfway through, Taylor gives a speech, as usual, as he does in the beginning and the end as well. Well I had watched many of them and usually he's pretty funny and preachy. Well, he was uber preachy and very very snarky this time. I just assumed it was because so many people were wearing shoes and not pushing themselves to even try, and I was half right. I watched the video of the livestream and found out there was a fan that bugged Tay the first half of the walk and only took her shoes off for about a minute because he told her to, or well, she got him to tell her to. She was really ignorant and was doing the walk for all the wrong reasons. He was pissed, now I get his snarkiness.

So, the way back to the venue, I was lucky enough to keep pace with Taylor and hear him talk to the camera a lot and talk to another girl about his son and family and also see two little girls run up to him and give him pictures they drew. Adorable. We got back to the venue, and he gave another long speech and it was really cool. They went inside, and so it was time to go and sit in line until the concert.

I sat almost the whole wait, because I got a couple of killer blisters from the sidewalk heat, but the wait was actually pretty fun, just hanging with my sister for 4-ish hours.

Finally got inside, and ended up getting a really good spot on the floor, about 5 people/rows back. Derren Raser was the opening act, as a contest winner, he played fifteen minutes and was awesome. Then there was about a half an hour wait for Rooney.

Rooney came on stage and did a fantastic job, they opened with Shakin' with made me go crazy, jumping up and down and all that jazz. I was the only person I saw in my direction doing that, and I'm pretty sure at one point Robert pointed at me and said something good. I like to think so, anyway. :-) So they finished their set and were going to be at their merch table. Well, I didn't want to lose our awesome spot on the floor, but I really really wanted to meet the band, so we left and went to the merch room.

The guys came in behind everyone, much to everyone's shock and excitement...Robert cut through right by Melissa and she was like "Oh my Gosh...First Zac touches me, then Robert!" I just shook my head. Not fair. Anyway....He made it to the table, finally, but there wasn't much time til Hanson's set was going to be, so we only made it to Robert. Someone asked him if he was in The Princess Diaries as he was signing Melissa's ticket, and he got grumpy for a second because she was utterly ignorant, asking then if he was in "one at the end" to which he replied, with a sour look on his face, "I was in the whole thing, actually." I snapped a pic of him and Melissa and before I could have my turn he turned to other people next to us. That was cool, he apologized then got to me after. Melissa fumbled with my phone while he leaned over the table with his head resting against mine. He was being really really goofy, making me laugh and Melissa laugh, which made her fumble more. She finally got the picture, and asked him for a hug, then I was right behind her. I couldn't stop my mouth from opening, then, and I told him he was my idol...**facepalm moment number 1 for Jenny**

Well, we ended up in the back of the floor, which was okay, it's still only like 20 feet away from the stage and we had room to move around if we wanted to. It was about 15 minutes before the guys of Hanson finally took the stage.

It was phenomenal. Perfect mix of new and old and middle-aged (haha...For lack of a better term) stuff and a full 2-hour set. Plenty of antics and even a dirty joke thrown in by Zac. Yeah, they're all grown up, lol. I was sad when their encore ended (Man From Milwaukee) but excited for the prospect of meeting them soon after.

Melissa and I went to their merch table and each got a shirt and then headed to the parking lot to wait by the buses.

About 45 minutes or so later Zac came out. He took a long time to get to where we were, but hte wait was worth it. I snapped a picture of him and Melissa, and without having to ask, he signed my ticket and threw his arm around me for a picture. Ohh, they've been doing this a looooooong time. That was obvious. Mel took one picture, said it was blurry and asked if she could redo it, to which Zac replied "Sure" and I said "I don't mind!" **facepalm moment number 3...2 being about 30 seconds prior to that when I said "...and you're left handed which is awesome cause I am too"** So the second one turned out good, and as he was about to head to the next person and I was thanking him, Melissa asked him for a hug. He gave her one, but awkwardly. (Facepalm moment for Melissa)

By this time, Isaac had come outside, which I was excited about, because I didn't get to meet him last time I saw them live. I heard Zac behind us say that he'd probably catch up to him and that made me laugh a little. Taylor came out shortly after Ike and caught up to him. He was like a firecracker...Taking group photos instead of individual so people wouldn't be out too much later and the line was really long.

So they got closer and I about hyperventilated when I saw that Tay caught up to Ike. Got Ike's signature, confused him a little since my ticket was a folded up piece of paper, he didn't know where I wanted him to sign, so he found Zac's signature and signed next to it. Got a picture of Meliss and I together with him. (Hooray for making friends in line to take pics for us!) And Tay was there by the time I was handed my camera back to me. I heard him say, sort of to himself and aimed at those in front of us "If there is a next time..." Well this freaked me out and I said "Whaaat, don't you say that!" And he smiled and said "Well, you know, I mean...I dunno if you'll be here next time we are." Phew. Me: Well, of course I will, why would I miss it?!" Melissa added that she's been a fan since she was 6 and I chimed in my age 8 fact. He was really appreciative and even said "Wow, thanks so much, that's amazing." I handed my camera to his security guard and he threw his arms around Melissa and I. We smiled (Me a little too big) and when the flash went, Taylor said "Perfect," and patted then squeezed our arms. He thanked us, we thanked him a lot, and as he went to the next people, he turned around and said "I guess I'll see you next time!" :-D

We walked to my car and left. I couldn't sleep because I was still in shock that, not only did I actually meet and talk to a band I've been a fan of for more than half my life, but also met Robert Carmine, who I've been a fan of for close to 8 years. Fantastic night, best whole day of my life, and even the pain of the blisters and soreness then following morning couldn't take my smile away when I realized it wasn't a dream after all.

Melissa, ISAAC HANSON, and me. :-) He's adorable and soo nice.

Melissa, TAYLOR HANSON, and myself. He was the easiest to talk to. :-)

ZAC HANSON and myself. I hope he wasn't creeped out by us....o_O

ROBERT CARMINE (Schwartzman) and me. Ohh he was talking but this is still a great picture. He was fantastic, can't wait til Rooney comes back.

Best.Day.Ever. Period.