lightbulb?

Ok, so I know last post was uber depressing and angry, and probably annoying. THIS one, however, is a sort of lightbulb one. Let's just say I had an epiphany (Not unlike Sweeney Todd, only I didn't sing about wanting to kill everyone) of sorts.

I did not come up with it on my own, though, so it's sort of an epiphany by proxy. In fact it was not even me who noticed. I shall explain....

For years all I've been able to do when I'm alone and have too much time to myself is focus on the negative aspects of myself and my life. For instance, at one point I stuggled with weight, and my looks, and eventually it progressed to worrying about my personality, so on and so forth.

What I didn't realize, no matter how many people have told me, is that I am strong. I tend to come through things better and stronger than I give myself credit for. Ok, so I just realized THIS part of the epiphany, so it's like an epiphany within an epiphany, but I digress.

Even though I'm going through some tough times right now, and I've been through tough stuff in the past, I can smile. Truly smile. I never even thought about how strong that makes me. I guess, in the past, I've smiled only to keep myself from crying, which can be true now, but I never realized how strong that really makes me.

If I can break a smile that is genuine and feels good, that means that I may have the ability to make the happiness of that moment spread, and, as a friend pointed out in a blog post of his, I can do that. I can show that underneath all the shit I go through/have gone through, I can be happy, and more importantly, make other people happy.

For me, others' happiness is what usually goes first for me. I'm more willing to lend two ears than I am to talk about my struggles. For me, listening to others' and doing my best to be there for them is what makes me happy. So, if I can make someone else happy just by being able to put a genuine smile on even when my life sucks, I know I can be happy. And I can make myself happy.

So, from now on I am honestly going to try my best not to let the negativity take over. I am going to smile as much as possible, and I'm not going to let little things bug me. After all, I do a lot when I try my best..For instance, that weight problem I had? I lost 40 lbs. in 2 months. My issue with my looks? I learned to love me the way I am.(oh, and figured out how best to make my eyes pop, because I believe that's my best feature.) Personality? Pshh, are you kidding? I am the coolest, most awesome you will ever meet, and those who disagree aren't worth my time. (Kidding...well mostly, tee hee)

It is now 2 am, and I am planning to stay up all night and watch the COOLEST show in the whole gorram 'verse...Firefly.

Cap'n Tink....out. Night all. (Well, the ones who sleep, anyway)