Monday, June 28, 2010

a month later....

Well, I'm not longer an insomniac...I think it is a sign that I am, for sure, getting older T.T

So the last month....I've gone to Quincy every weekend and had bunches of fun. I'd go to rehearsals and recite Shakespeare and get to work with the coolest people ever, including my amazing teacher and her amazing assistant, who in this case was our amazing director, and also some really good friends of mine. It's always nice when you can honestly say that you were a part of a production that had little to no petty drama. We did have one problem with one of our number getting sick the week before the show went on, but we managed to find someone to jump in almost right away, and he did a great job after only attending one rehearsal: We may not technically be a professional theatre group, or theatre majors for that matter, but boy do we act like it!

When rehearsals were done, we'd pretty much rotate what would happen in the evenings. Some nights we'd play Champions on PS2, some nights we'd battle on in our awesome D&D inspired Heroscape campaign. Sometimes we'd go see movies, like Get Him to the Greek (Which was hysterical!) and the A-Team (Also amazing!) and Toy Story 3 in 3D (I CRIED! A LOT!).

This past weekend was probably the best, however. I began it in great (ish) spirits. I had a good job interview and managed to snag the job, however they were not completely honest with me on the phone about what exactly the job entailed. So I went to Quincy in a great mood, and we had rehearsal on Thursday in the space we were performing in the park. Very cool...Literally, we were lucky that it was 85 degrees outside, and it felt like 75 in the shade, plus a very nice breeze. Afterwards was when I saw Toy Story 3D with my wonderful boyfriend. We were the only ones in the theatre, as it was 10 on a Thursday...We both cried and laughed and commented on the movie as it was happening, and it was so wonderful. After the movie, we met up with Toni and Sidney and charged through a level of our 3rd or 4th Champions campaign, we've lost count.

On Friday, Stephen and I ventured to his parents' house for a few hours before I had to go to my last and longest rehearsal. This is when I really discovered stumbleupon.com and spent most of my time there playing around on an artsy website and looking at awesome other ones I happened to stumble upon. I then went to rehearsal, this time outside of the theatre, only it was hotter outside and we had to be in the sun for a while before the shadow took over the field. Being the last rehearsal, it was rough, tiring, and challenging as we were given even more difficult (and occasionally awkward) blocking. We only got through it twice in about 3 and a half hours, although that's including the introduction of our new cast member and therefore the need to go back and actually do the scenes he was involved with, and setting up the tent and making sure everyone had costumes and props in order. As the sun set and bugs started biting, we decided to move inside to work with mics since we'd have them the next day. Well, as we were missing two of the four "lovers" in the story, the other two of us were dismissed, and Alex, Stephen and I hung out. Alex left and Stephen and I decided to watch Take the Lead (love.that.movie.aahhh.)

Saturday! I went to the park at noon to do our walkthrough. It went well, we got a feel for the weather we'd have later in the day and also became more comfy in the space. Since A Midsummer Night's Dream takes place in Athens, and we were in walking distance of a Greek restaurant, Alex, Sidney, and I decided to go to (the appropriately named) Greek 2 Me for lunch. It was yummy, we yelled Opa! and talked about the show and life and stuff. I then realized that I had to run to get ready for the show, as we were supposed to be back at hte park in costume and ready to set up an hour later. So I walked back to my car and left. I managed to get ready in a record 10(ish) minutes and race back to the park. Here, I helped set up, chatted with friends before the show started, waved to my mom and gramma who came to see the show, as well as Stephen's mom, and then we performed! We couldnt see past the bleachers when we were performing, so all we could see was that they were mostly full and there were people even standing behind them and sitting on the sides and at benches watching! Exciting! So after the show, when we greeted, I realized how many chairs were set up behind the bleachers....We had a bigger audience than we even knew! It was an awesome performance, depsite the heat. We were all sweating, especially when laying in the grass, feigning sleep. Very uncomfortable, but very worth it. I love Shakespeare, and I love the people I performed with and for and I wouldn't have traded the past month for the world.

I had my first day of work today...Well, it is official to say now that I am definitely not cut out for the job they gave me. It's unfortunate that they don't have a position more like what they told me I'd be doing. It is okay, however, as I keep finding more and more recent openings that are more catered to my desires and goals!

I am currently watching Serenity on USA. I absolutely love this movie, and of course, Firefly, the show that the movie came from. It's one of Joss Whedon's best creations (Besides Glee, of course!) I'm dog tired but this movie is so worth staying up and watching, even through commercial breaks and bits and pieces cut. If I were a character from here...I'd probably be Inara, lol. Without the whole Companion job.

Friday, June 4, 2010

So it is now Day 4 of insomnia...Maybe Day 5...I can't remember when the last time I slept through the night was. All I can think about is getting a job and, if getting even an interview call is the light at the end of the tunnel, I am no where near even the middle of the tunnel, because it's completely black right now.

I'm probably being selfish/self-absorbed/whatever but I feel trapped. If I find a job here in Florissant, well that'd be awesome because it's a job...but I have one really good friend here and if we're both working all the time, then I'm stuck in my house all the time dealing with a dog that has way too much energy. I miss my friends in Quincy. Hell, I just plain miss Quincy. I like it better there. At least I'm not ignored most of the time when I'm there because it's nearly impossible to ignore people in a town that size. Here...Well I'm two hours away and therefore much easier to ignore. The worst part is that I won't confront anyone because then I'd just feel guilty, and the fact that I'm even talking about it now makes me feel selfish because I'm probably wrong. But then I think about my past, when I was ignored and it wasn't accidental. If there's anything wrong even now, I know that it's me and not anyone else so I'm selfish to think any different.

I've been thinking about the past a lot in the last two weeks here. Not because I want to or I admire the memories, because this place forces them back in my head. Driving down the street, seeing Steak n Shake, having to re-live the sucky times I had because of that place. Sitting alone for most of the day and not being able to help but think about the crap I went through in Florissant.

With free time, I've been able to look back on my old blogs and how immature and whiny I sounded and now look at me, I'm typing up a blog that is probably a repeat of what I've typed before. This is what happens when I'm alone...I digress and then I hurt people because I can't get over my lack of self confidance. I'm a hypocrite, you know? I tell people to move on, to live in the present and I say I live by the words of Rent songs when I'm stuck in the past.

Trapped. Ignored. Low. Guilty. Selfish...I really can't help how I feel...I just want to get rid of all of these feelings.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

i'm writing one great song before i ...

one song
glory
one song
before i go
glory
one song to leave behind

find one song
one last refrain
glory
from the pretty boy front man
who wasted opportunity

one song
he had the world at his feet
glory
in the eyes of a young girl
a young girl

find glory
beyond the cheap colored lights
one song
before the sun sets
glory on another empty life
time flies time dies
glory
one blaze of glory
one blaze of glory
glory

find glory
in a song that rings true
truth like a blazing fire
an eternal flame

find
one song
a song about love
glory
from the soul of a young man
a young man

find
the one song
before the virus takes hold
glory
like a sunset
one song
to redeem this empty life

time flies
and then no need to endure anymore
time dies