i'm happy wondering.

Wondering by Good Charlotte

If you want me to wait,
I will wait for you
If you tell me to stay,
I will stay right through
If you don't wanna say anything at all
I'm happy wondering
Go!

Yeah, yeah!

Since I was a young man I never was a fun man
I never had a plan and no security
Then ever since I met you I never could forget you
I only wanna get you right here next to me

'Cause everybody(a-whoa)Needs someone that they can trust and...
You're somebody(a-whoa)That I found just in time

If you want me to wait,
I will wait for you
If you tell me to stay,
I would stay right through
If you don't wanna say anything at all
I'm happy wondering.

Now my life is changing, It's always rearranging
It's always getting stranger than I thought it ever could
Ever since I found you, I wanna be around you
I wanna get down to the point that I need you

'Cause everybody (a-whoa)Needs someone that they can trust and...
You're somebody(a-whoa)That I found just in time

If you want me to wait,
I will wait for you
If you tell me to stay,
I would stay right through
If you don't wanna say anything at all
I'm happy wondering

Go!

Yeah, yeah!

yeah, yeah...

Don't tell me the bad news
Don't tell me anything at all
Just tell me that you need me
And stay right here with me

If you want me to wait,
I will wait for you
If you tell me to stay,
I would stay right through
If you don't wanna say anything at all
I'm happy wondering

If you want me to wait,
I will wait for you
If you tell me to stay,
I would stay right through
If you don't wanna say anything at all
i'm happy wondering

I've been in a lieu of strange moods the past couple of days. They haven't been bad moods, per se, just weird ones. This song sort of fits most of them. I think yesterday I was trying to figure out why I feel the way I do, so it was a bit negative for a while...I vented some bitterness while at work and that made me feel worse than I thought, which was the opposite goal I was attempting to accomplish. Oh well.

I baked Christmas cookies today with my sister and grandma and had a blast. I ate a lot of the cookie dough because I can never resist it and Gramma put me in charge of it (Scooore!) and also drank quite a bit of soda, so I was definitely a hyper one today. (Got a surprise "liking" of that when I posted it as my status, too..made me smile!) As the evening grew on, however, I began to crash and therefore the mood went from being fairly positive and upbeat to blah and more blah. 

I decided I needed to get out and do some Christmas shopping (Because I'm a huge procrastinator and didn't think I'd actually have money to shop..But I do!) and that put me in a further state of blah-ness because I remembered just how terrible of a Christmas present shopper I am. I guess I'll just have to get gift cards or something. *shrugs*

I'm beginning to feel better now, I do believe I'm only blah because I'm very tired and not looking forward to work the next few days because it's going to be insane (Especially with the weather forecast). 

Attempting to stay in the Christmas spirit, I listened to Christmas music today....big mistake as I'll be forced to listen to weird renditions of the classic radio songs at work for three days straight, so I changed to regular shuffle of my library and Good Charlotte popped up with this song that I posted above and I was like "Wow it's funny that this song was randomly played because it's sort of perfect to how I'm feeling right now!" And viola, the reasoning for the lyrics and video. 

I realize this is sort of a long post, I feel like writing out what I'm thinking in a fairly decent amount of detail. Feel free to ignore this post. Except for the video. Unless you hate Good Charlotte, and in that case, well to each his own and I'm sorry if I tortured you. (not really)

I was going to end with that note, but a sudden inspiration hit me. I have felt fear toward a certain situation going on in my life right now, and before tonight I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I'm so afraid. Luckily, nights off and shopping-gone-wrong give me chances to ponder and I realized that it is the "unknown" that I am afraid of. Isn't that why fear usually exists? You fear what you don't know. Well I'm afraid because there are plenty of things I want to know, but I'm not being told. I have a good idea why, but I don't know for sure and I don't want to pressure the situation or rush it at all. I'm afraid because I don't know, come to think of it, may not be the way to phrase it after all....Though I am afraid, the fear rises from past experience with this part of the situation. That I knew already, frustration is what is bugging me now. Impatience. My feelings are running wild and I can't hold them back. So I broke a promise I made to myself by allowing that and I'm uber frustrated with myself for it. And I'm uber frustrated at the situation's situation....In a nutshell, and to save myself from typing out a whole novel, I'll just say this: Distance. Fucking. Sucks. 

Trying not to let it get to me or to bring me down, but it's difficult sometimes, when I see the same things everywhere and see things that make me go, "i want to be able to do that right now." Alas, that is human nature and I must deal with it. Wish me luck and I'll keep hoping the situation's situation is sorted before this place drives me insane.

And finally...Even with all that said, though I look back on it and it sounds like it's really negative and I'm fed up, I'm not fed up, just simple frustration with an element of the situation. The song fits my mood and is sort of perfect, because I am happy wondering. My wonderings are positive and make me randomly smile and  give me the tinglies in my tummy. (yes, I'm weird and I won't apologize for that.)

Goooooood night.