a month later....

Well, I'm not longer an insomniac...I think it is a sign that I am, for sure, getting older T.T

So the last month....I've gone to Quincy every weekend and had bunches of fun. I'd go to rehearsals and recite Shakespeare and get to work with the coolest people ever, including my amazing teacher and her amazing assistant, who in this case was our amazing director, and also some really good friends of mine. It's always nice when you can honestly say that you were a part of a production that had little to no petty drama. We did have one problem with one of our number getting sick the week before the show went on, but we managed to find someone to jump in almost right away, and he did a great job after only attending one rehearsal: We may not technically be a professional theatre group, or theatre majors for that matter, but boy do we act like it!

When rehearsals were done, we'd pretty much rotate what would happen in the evenings. Some nights we'd play Champions on PS2, some nights we'd battle on in our awesome D&D inspired Heroscape campaign. Sometimes we'd go see movies, like Get Him to the Greek (Which was hysterical!) and the A-Team (Also amazing!) and Toy Story 3 in 3D (I CRIED! A LOT!).

This past weekend was probably the best, however. I began it in great (ish) spirits. I had a good job interview and managed to snag the job, however they were not completely honest with me on the phone about what exactly the job entailed. So I went to Quincy in a great mood, and we had rehearsal on Thursday in the space we were performing in the park. Very cool...Literally, we were lucky that it was 85 degrees outside, and it felt like 75 in the shade, plus a very nice breeze. Afterwards was when I saw Toy Story 3D with my wonderful boyfriend. We were the only ones in the theatre, as it was 10 on a Thursday...We both cried and laughed and commented on the movie as it was happening, and it was so wonderful. After the movie, we met up with Toni and Sidney and charged through a level of our 3rd or 4th Champions campaign, we've lost count.

On Friday, Stephen and I ventured to his parents' house for a few hours before I had to go to my last and longest rehearsal. This is when I really discovered stumbleupon.com and spent most of my time there playing around on an artsy website and looking at awesome other ones I happened to stumble upon. I then went to rehearsal, this time outside of the theatre, only it was hotter outside and we had to be in the sun for a while before the shadow took over the field. Being the last rehearsal, it was rough, tiring, and challenging as we were given even more difficult (and occasionally awkward) blocking. We only got through it twice in about 3 and a half hours, although that's including the introduction of our new cast member and therefore the need to go back and actually do the scenes he was involved with, and setting up the tent and making sure everyone had costumes and props in order. As the sun set and bugs started biting, we decided to move inside to work with mics since we'd have them the next day. Well, as we were missing two of the four "lovers" in the story, the other two of us were dismissed, and Alex, Stephen and I hung out. Alex left and Stephen and I decided to watch Take the Lead (love.that.movie.aahhh.)

Saturday! I went to the park at noon to do our walkthrough. It went well, we got a feel for the weather we'd have later in the day and also became more comfy in the space. Since A Midsummer Night's Dream takes place in Athens, and we were in walking distance of a Greek restaurant, Alex, Sidney, and I decided to go to (the appropriately named) Greek 2 Me for lunch. It was yummy, we yelled Opa! and talked about the show and life and stuff. I then realized that I had to run to get ready for the show, as we were supposed to be back at hte park in costume and ready to set up an hour later. So I walked back to my car and left. I managed to get ready in a record 10(ish) minutes and race back to the park. Here, I helped set up, chatted with friends before the show started, waved to my mom and gramma who came to see the show, as well as Stephen's mom, and then we performed! We couldnt see past the bleachers when we were performing, so all we could see was that they were mostly full and there were people even standing behind them and sitting on the sides and at benches watching! Exciting! So after the show, when we greeted, I realized how many chairs were set up behind the bleachers....We had a bigger audience than we even knew! It was an awesome performance, depsite the heat. We were all sweating, especially when laying in the grass, feigning sleep. Very uncomfortable, but very worth it. I love Shakespeare, and I love the people I performed with and for and I wouldn't have traded the past month for the world.

I had my first day of work today...Well, it is official to say now that I am definitely not cut out for the job they gave me. It's unfortunate that they don't have a position more like what they told me I'd be doing. It is okay, however, as I keep finding more and more recent openings that are more catered to my desires and goals!

I am currently watching Serenity on USA. I absolutely love this movie, and of course, Firefly, the show that the movie came from. It's one of Joss Whedon's best creations (Besides Glee, of course!) I'm dog tired but this movie is so worth staying up and watching, even through commercial breaks and bits and pieces cut. If I were a character from here...I'd probably be Inara, lol. Without the whole Companion job.

So it is now Day 4 of insomnia...Maybe Day 5...I can't remember when the last time I slept through the night was. All I can think about is getting a job and, if getting even an interview call is the light at the end of the tunnel, I am no where near even the middle of the tunnel, because it's completely black right now.

I'm probably being selfish/self-absorbed/whatever but I feel trapped. If I find a job here in Florissant, well that'd be awesome because it's a job...but I have one really good friend here and if we're both working all the time, then I'm stuck in my house all the time dealing with a dog that has way too much energy. I miss my friends in Quincy. Hell, I just plain miss Quincy. I like it better there. At least I'm not ignored most of the time when I'm there because it's nearly impossible to ignore people in a town that size. Here...Well I'm two hours away and therefore much easier to ignore. The worst part is that I won't confront anyone because then I'd just feel guilty, and the fact that I'm even talking about it now makes me feel selfish because I'm probably wrong. But then I think about my past, when I was ignored and it wasn't accidental. If there's anything wrong even now, I know that it's me and not anyone else so I'm selfish to think any different.

I've been thinking about the past a lot in the last two weeks here. Not because I want to or I admire the memories, because this place forces them back in my head. Driving down the street, seeing Steak n Shake, having to re-live the sucky times I had because of that place. Sitting alone for most of the day and not being able to help but think about the crap I went through in Florissant.

With free time, I've been able to look back on my old blogs and how immature and whiny I sounded and now look at me, I'm typing up a blog that is probably a repeat of what I've typed before. This is what happens when I'm alone...I digress and then I hurt people because I can't get over my lack of self confidance. I'm a hypocrite, you know? I tell people to move on, to live in the present and I say I live by the words of Rent songs when I'm stuck in the past.

Trapped. Ignored. Low. Guilty. Selfish...I really can't help how I feel...I just want to get rid of all of these feelings.

i'm writing one great song before i ...

one song

glory

one song

before i go

glory

one song to leave behind

find one song

one last refrain

glory

from the pretty boy front man

who wasted opportunity

one song

he had the world at his feet

glory

in the eyes of a young girl

a young girl

find glory

beyond the cheap colored lights

one song

before the sun sets

glory on another empty life

time flies time dies

glory

one blaze of glory

one blaze of glory

glory

find glory

in a song that rings true

truth like a blazing fire

an eternal flame

find

one song

a song about love

glory

from the soul of a young man

a young man

find

the one song

before the virus takes hold

glory

like a sunset

one song

to redeem this empty life

time flies

and then no need to endure anymore

time dies

It's pretty difficult to believe that it's June already. May sort of flew by...I was in a show, then I finished school...Pretty crazy. This was a good last weekend of May, though. Stephen came to visit me, yay! He got here really late Saturday night and I had entirely too much caffeine at that point, so we watched and episode of Community (LOVE that show!) and then he was really tired to he went to bed. I was much too awake so I watched New Moon and then went to bed...well, passed out, really.

On Sunday we went to the mall so we could go to our favorite store...It's called AnImagination and it's the coolest comic book/fantasy merch selling/D&D tourney holding store around! Then we ate lunch in the food court and then decided to walk around. Went into Books-a-million and looked at some awesome books, and then to Bed, Bath, & Beyond. I found some really cool bathroom stuff, and decided that, when I get my own place, my bathroom is going to probably have either a beach theme or an oriental-inspired theme. We then left and went to Target. Walked around. Saw some cool things here and there (like swimsuits!) and went back to my house. After fighting with the internet forever and ever, and fighting with decisions about dinner, we finally ordered a pizza and watched the movie While You Were Sleeping...I love it. Sandra Bullock is sort of my idol. Then Tim came over and we all chatted for a couple of hours, and Tim tried to fix the internet, but it kept being stupid. Then Mom went to bed and we chatted and laughed about Family Guy and Robot Chicken and various other shows that are on Adult Swim. Tim left and Stephen and I attempted to watch another episode of Community, but the DVR decided it didn't feel like working right, so we gave up. I was uber tired after only sleeping for like 3 hours and walking around all day, so I decided to go to bed. I read for a while and passed out.

Today we went over to my Gramma's house for some BBQ since it was Memorial Day. We had pork steak and yummy apple salad and it was yummy and I was full. We watched tennis and the Cards game and then Stephen and I had to leave because he had to go home (sadness!) So we came back and he packed up and left (Major sadness!)

I also found out this weekend that I am playing Hermia in A Midsummer Night's Dream in Quincy, and I'm uber excited! Although Helena seems like a more interesting role to me, it'll be more of a challenge, and therefore more fun to be Hermia because of that. I haven't yet received the official script or rehearsal schedule but I can't wait to get it and memorize the lines! I'm such a dork, but memorizing Shakespeare is one of my favorite things to do.

I don't really know what's going on this week, but hopefully it involves me getting a job that's full time and pays well! I need to save money so in 6 months I don't have to worry about scrounging up enough money every month to pay student loans back...And there are lots of movies that I want to see and a certain iPad that will probably be calling my name if my first or second paycheck is good....

Well that's about all I have to talk about for now....Perhaps later today I shall post a review of some movies or shows that I watch or just ramble about Lord knows what..Anyhooskie, I used to add a song to the end of my notes of Facebook, when I used to post a lot of random and probably annoying notes...So I'll add a video here, since I can do that!

This is one of my very favorite songs!

Wilkommen, bienvenue, welcome!

Hello, hello!

Since I am now out of school and I will no longer have any homework (yay!), and because Facebook notes, Myspace blog, and Livejournal seem to bore me these days, I thought I'd start my own *real* blog. So...Here I am. Starting it.

Well, it's 12:27 a.m. on (technically) May 26 and I am currently watching an older episode of Criminal Minds. Although there are so many episodes that they put on repeat playlist on A&E they never seem to get old. I can watch an episode four times, know exactly what happens, but still be surprised by something else I pick up. Reed talks so fast it's almost necessary to watch some parts of the show over again (Thank you DVR!). Anyway, it's a great show and I can't wait for the season finale tomorrow night. (Well..tonight.)

Speaking of finales, the series finale of Lost aired on Sunday, which was weird because that was also the date of my Graduation, and even though I didn't walk, I will remember May 23, 2010 as a day that college ended and a show that I was obsessed with for 6 years of my life ended. Yes, to know me is to know how easily obsessed I am with things, namely tv shows, movies, and theatre. It's funny that I started watching Lost at the beginning because Dominic Monaghan was in it, and as I kept watching, I realized how epic the show was and how it wasn't going to be a cheesy castaway remake of Gilligan's Island. So I was totally enthralled, I loved every second of every season, and I was even in denial for a whole summer about the death of Charlie Pace (Dominic Monaghan's awesome character). You'd think that, because they killed off my favorite character and the reason I began to watch the show, I would have stopped watching it, but I couldn't. Which was good, because they made Desmond a bigger role, and introduced a new character at the beginning of the next season that would quickly take the role of my favorite (Daniel Faraday was the best addition ever! Totally made dealing with the loss of Charlie easier). So the next couple of season turned even more intense, and ended up dealing with time-travel, and talked a lot about destiny and quantum physics and crazy stuff like that, a.k.a. it was the best drama turned dramatic science fiction show ever. So the final season has to be my favorite because it brought back a whole bunch of dead characters every once in a while and focused more on the final stages of character developement rather than the folklore of the Island they were trapped on. So the finale was bound to be this amazing epic story in which light and dark (Or good and evil if you prefer) would race toward each other in a fight to save or destroy the Island and the people on it. Meanwhile, there is all the Losties in their sideways universe, and they are all remembering life on the Island (The flash sideways was supposed to be as if they never landed on the Island and were all strangers, save a few couples and long lost siblings) and therefore coming together and gathering in a church of sorts. Well, this is the point that, if there are any Lost fans who haven't watched the finale, I say there are great big honkin' spoilers ahead: Jack and Kate, with the help of Desmond, kill Flocke aka Smokie, and then Jack sacrifices himself to save the Island, after appointing Hurley as the "new Jacob" and Ben Linus (Yeah, Linus, the previous villaim) becomes, essentially, the "new Richard Alpert." The others that were on the Island make it off safely and return to where ever they want to end up and, assumedly, live out the rest of their lives as happily as they can. So the flash sideways, meanwhile, Jack finally makes it to the church, everyone else seems to know what's going on, but Jack doesn't remember the Island. He finally gets his dad's coffin, and opens it (A moment like the end of Season 4 when we see John Locke in the coffin after it being a mystery for a whole season) to find his father's body is not there (GASP!) As luck would have it, his father is standing behind him. Confused, Jack says "But you're dead" and Christian replies "Everyone dies sometime, kiddo." Jack then realizes that he is in fact dead as well, and so is everyone in the church....Now here's where interpretation takes over....Did they all die in the plane crash, or was the Island real and this is a reality in which they were all stuck until they could find each other and move on? Well I don't think they all died in the crash. The Island was in fact real, and dialogue proves this interpretation. Hurley talks to Ben. He says "You were a great Number 2." Ben replies, "You were a great number 1." Christian tells Jack that some of the people died before him (Like Charlie and Boone and Sayid) and some died long after him (Hopefully like Claire and Aaron and Kate...) proving that they could not have died in the crash, because they would have died at the same time. Desmond and Penny were in the church....they were not on the plane and, had the Losties all died on the plane, they never would have met the two of them so they would not have been included in this Afterlife reality. Everyone in the room was there because they all had some sort of impact on the others' lives. They needed each other to move on, because nobody dies alone, nor do they live alone. Not completely, anyway. The finale was amazing because it dealt with the ultimate fate of the characters on the show, and focused less on the burning questions and theories fans had about the Island, therefore reinforcing the reality of life...In life, there will always be unanswered questions, unfinished story lines, and mysteries that, maybe, we're not meant to figure out. Sure not all the characters' lives were played on on camera, and on script, but the greatest part about that is that we, as fans, can write their lives out in our heads and with out family and friends if we want to. Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuz are two of the most genius writers I have ever heard of or been a fan of. They have the uncanny ability to create this world inside our world and to keep us hanging onto the edge of our seats, and to remain there even after the finale is over. I am still trying to figure out every detail of the final season,the finale, season one still! That is something that has never happened to me before. I have been totally engrossed in this show for 6 years, and now I don't know what to do with myself.

I suppose this blog can help with that. I have many obsessions, Glee being one of them, theatre being another, and I plan on writing about them randomly as this is my blog and isn't that what blogs are here for?

Until next time, stay cool because it's hot outside. :-)

*tink*